Ok I never blog and Im insanely busy but fet the urgent need to blog right this second. Besides, lunch is in the oven, the boys are cleaning up the toys, I have a wee bit of downtime. I'll say right now, forgive me. I cuss like a sailor. Worse than some sailors even!!!
Ok so anyways... This blog is about the giant elephant in the room.... me. I've been feeling confident lately... well until recently. I've always been SO self conscious about my weight, my appearance. I feel like I'm disgusting, huge, morbidly obese even. If I go to the dr, based on the scale, yeah I'm obese. To be honest with you, if I were to stand and look down at my body, I honestly would say I don't look like I weigh as much as I do. But I do. And in pictures, I look like I weigh even more than I do. When I go out, as ya'll saw, I dress up. I do it up big. And, lo and behold who's the ONE person that doesn't get hit on, talked to, danced with, etc. So, that doesn't help. AT ALL. :(
I need to do smething. I HATE working out. With every fiber of my being. I HATE it. I feel like I have no time either. I've got kids here until almost 5, then have to deal with dinner, kids, homework, bath, dogs, cleaning up for the next day, being ready for inspections at anytime.
Ok it's been 2 hours since I started. Had to pause a bit and feed kids, babies, change diapers, let dogs out, clean the toy room, lay out cots an get kids laid down. This means nothing. I have tons to do and I'm pretty much guaranteed to not get it done bc the boys don't sleep and s soon as they lay down, the babies wake up.
SO back to the subject at hand. How do I MAKE time? How do I make it fun?? I want to do Zumba when she starts it but my ultimate goal is to get in shape and be a certified Zumba instructor. I'd love to do the choreography and stuff. So fun!! So anyways. I needhelp. I need o beheld accountable. I eat... EVERYTHING I love food. It's literaly going to be the death of me. If I can't lose the weight, I know it will. Any idas of ways to not only lose the weight but change my life cmpletely without giving everything up that I totally love? Someone? anyone?
Oh and beore I get comments about what to eat, whe and what to do for workouts, Iknow. I've read it all. heard it all... I need to find a way to make it mine and make it a part of my life. I need it. I saw pics from last wekend... I thought I looked GREAT when I went out. I cried when I saw the pics. someone said te most hurtful thing ever to me back home "you USED to be a hot item. why are you alone?" Then I was talking to someone about how I looked. a good friend of ine from childhood. he sai "You look great for having 2 kids." I don't want to look great for having 2 kids. I want to look great. I want to BE great.... owthat cn happen... I have no idea.

:'(